I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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