I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Send help, water and tortillas.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
