My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
