I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
