and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
