another moral hangover. fuck.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
