i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
