Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
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