I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
