We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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