the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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