i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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