So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
