It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
tell me about the fingering
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