my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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