nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
