i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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