hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
