I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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