i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize