I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
