I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
