I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
