Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
