When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
