when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
