I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize