People in love make me want to vomit
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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