I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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