Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
