My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
