I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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