Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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