when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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