I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
