I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
