im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
well you can't waste a boner
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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