I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
