it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
