guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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