On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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