I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
