Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
