If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
