She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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