we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
