hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
