why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I intend to get homeless drunk
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
