He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
