If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
