Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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