You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
