i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
