Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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