Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
