it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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