I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
