oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
