Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
