Just fell off a train. Bad.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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