why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
