Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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