Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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