why didn't you poke me back
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
