i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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