there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
