11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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