you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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